Panic attacks and social phobia

Today I’m going to be open with my panic attacks and social phobia. First, for everyone who is not familiar with this topic or who wants to figure out if they are affected by these disorders, I copied a description of both in here that I thought is pretty accurate. I also marked those symptoms […]

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Not so ladylike

How far have I come…perfect little girl drinking wine out of a tetrapak that she could only afford because of all her boyfriends beer bottle deposits (he doesn’t have a problem he just collects all the bottles forever so it’s not unusual that I get up to 2€ from it). I always try to bring […]

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Today after therapy

We didn’t talk about anything today but bodies and feeling our bodies etc etc. I actually wanted to talk about different things but that’s not how therapy works, it can turn out anyway every session and you certainly can’t plan it. Anyways I felt awful and disgusted with myself afterwards. I wish I could just […]

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Eternally fat

I feel so awful right now. It’s crazy how my body perception keeps fluctuating and how rapidly i can go from feeling skinny to feeling fat. Fat fat fat….fat everywhere. Just too much of everything, filling out way too much space. A bmi of 16.2 is not exactly the prototypical anorexic skinny body, even if […]

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Fat failure

Fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat…i hate my disgusting fat obese bloated ugly body!!! My fucking (not-existant)height, my fat face with it’s chubby cheeks, my broad shoulders and fat arms and my fat thighs. I’m so disgusted by myself. Also boyfriend basically said i looked fat. Also everyone else is giving me this message. I need to lose 10 more […]

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Emptiness and Ethanol

I’ve been feeling so empty these days….I have summer holiday until 4th Sept or something and meanwhile I should finish my papers and study for some final exams in autumn. I have zero motivation. All I want is get trashed and get through the weeks before fashion school starts. Very likely I’m putting too much hope […]

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Stalkers, Fasts, Alcohol Abuse, Uni and more

Hi there! I think I’m giving up on trying to update my main page daily, i just don’t find the energy and strength to 😉 I find it easier to update the ‘pages’ section so I’ll be focussing on that. Otherwise -brief update: My ex-boyfriend is still stalking me and terrorising me mentally, i think i’ve […]

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Failing gloriously at uni -.-

Fuck this shit i’m sitting in my semantics class and i was so proud for handing in that fucking homework, turns out they’re talking about something completely different again, there was another homework which i didn’t do (also i have no clue what any of those symbols we’re supposed to work with mean). This sucks, […]

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My cat saved my life!!!

My gorgeous cute little baby must be an angel sent from heaven…she literally saved me and maybe my life today. She did the lovliest cutest thing that she does so seldom….when i was about to binge on a fucking bottle of vodka and throw in a couple pills and cut myself (shortly after posting stuff […]

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