Drunk again. I was called fat. Thanks very much. For anorexic standards I probably am. But it hurts so much to hear it from another person. In case any of the people who called me fat are informed about the medical circumstances of anorexia: I’m still underweight. I may not be severely underweight but I’m definitely […]

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First talk with potential therapist

I had one yesterday and it went well except that I didn’t want to couldn’t talk about my eating disorder. About anorexia. Because I’m SOSOSOSOSOSOSOS scared of hearing something that hurts me, and let me tell you, this would hurt me so much: BUT YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A DISORDER. ARE YOU BULIMIC? […]

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BDD (Body Dismorphic Disorder)

First, a few definitions by scientific research and eating disorder organisations: “Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is often called the ‘imagined ugliness’ disorder. […] excessive, disproportionate concerns about a minor flaw, or as recurrent, anxiety-provoking thoughts about an entirely imagined defect […] most frequently focused on the head and face, but may involve any body part. [Sufferers] […]

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Today after therapy

We didn’t talk about anything today but bodies and feeling our bodies etc etc. I actually wanted to talk about different things but that’s not how therapy works, it can turn out anyway every session and you certainly can’t plan it. Anyways I felt awful and disgusted with myself afterwards. I wish I could just […]

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Eternally fat

I feel so awful right now. It’s crazy how my body perception keeps fluctuating and how rapidly i can go from feeling skinny to feeling fat. Fat fat fat….fat everywhere. Just too much of everything, filling out way too much space. A bmi of 16.2 is not exactly the prototypical anorexic skinny body, even if […]

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Fat failure

Fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat…i hate my disgusting fat obese bloated ugly body!!! My fucking (not-existant)height, my fat face with it’s chubby cheeks, my broad shoulders and fat arms and my fat thighs. I’m so disgusted by myself. Also boyfriend basically said i looked fat. Also everyone else is giving me this message. I need to lose 10 more […]

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