First talk with potential therapist

I had one yesterday and it went well except that I didn’t want to couldn’t talk about my eating disorder. About anorexia. Because I’m SOSOSOSOSOSOSOS scared of hearing something that hurts me, and let me tell you, this would hurt me so much: BUT YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A DISORDER. ARE YOU BULIMIC? […]

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Something I recently wrote for my book (German)

24.02.2017 Sie ist da. Ich spüre es in meinem ganzen Körper. Sie ist wieder ganz dicht da die Anorexie und verschmilzt mit mir. Wie oft war ich seit 2011 wieder an diesem Punkt und bin dann wieder rausgekommen um schlimmeres zu fühlen und zu ertragen, wo ich dann in Selbsthass versunken bin und mich vor […]

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Eternally fat

I feel so awful right now. It’s crazy how my body perception keeps fluctuating and how rapidly i can go from feeling skinny to feeling fat. Fat fat fat….fat everywhere. Just too much of everything, filling out way too much space. A bmi of 16.2 is not exactly the prototypical anorexic skinny body, even if […]

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Fat failure

Fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat…i hate my disgusting fat obese bloated ugly body!!! My fucking (not-existant)height, my fat face with it’s chubby cheeks, my broad shoulders and fat arms and my fat thighs. I’m so disgusted by myself. Also boyfriend basically said i looked fat. Also everyone else is giving me this message. I need to lose 10 more […]

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The Gruesome Obligatory Check-Up

Hi everyone ❤ So I had an appointment at the clinic today – I don’t know how many of you know this but I’m in therapy for my borderline/depression/anxiety issues and part of the agreement between my therapist is that I go to the doctor and psychiatrist every three months or so for a check-up. […]

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