Something I recently wrote for my book (German)

24.02.2017 Sie ist da. Ich spüre es in meinem ganzen Körper. Sie ist wieder ganz dicht da die Anorexie und verschmilzt mit mir. Wie oft war ich seit 2011 wieder an diesem Punkt und bin dann wieder rausgekommen um schlimmeres zu fühlen und zu ertragen, wo ich dann in Selbsthass versunken bin und mich vor […]

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Cram and starve

I’m trying to really study for my exams this year….. I drove to my parents’ place today with Lilly and so far I’ve studied at least a bit. Talked a bit with dad, helped my mum with grocery shopping and dinner – which of course I didn’t join. Bought a reasonable ration of energy drinks, […]

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Still alive

So here I am again…lol. Like I’ve probably said a thousand times I have no idea why it’s so hard to write on here regularly!? I pissed at myself about this tbh because I dream of having a blog that I write on daily, that people actually read and I too get tired of blogs […]

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Eternally fat

I feel so awful right now. It’s crazy how my body perception keeps fluctuating and how rapidly i can go from feeling skinny to feeling fat. Fat fat fat….fat everywhere. Just too much of everything, filling out way too much space. A bmi of 16.2 is not exactly the prototypical anorexic skinny body, even if […]

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Fat failure

Fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat…i hate my disgusting fat obese bloated ugly body!!! My fucking (not-existant)height, my fat face with it’s chubby cheeks, my broad shoulders and fat arms and my fat thighs. I’m so disgusted by myself. Also boyfriend basically said i looked fat. Also everyone else is giving me this message. I need to lose 10 more […]

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Last week of summer holiday

Sorry been too lazy to post. Nothing special happened, i’m still struggling to write the paper and lose weight, obviously a bad combination but not the reason why i just can’t get it done. Fashion school starts in a week and i’m superexited and have been preparing school supplies, for some reason i’ve always loved […]

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