Drunk again. I was called fat. Thanks very much. For anorexic standards I probably am. But it hurts so much to hear it from another person. In case any of the people who called me fat are informed about the medical circumstances of anorexia: I’m still underweight. I may not be severely underweight but I’m definitely […]

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My personal experience with social phobia and panic attacks

In my previous post I copy-pasted some info on both conditions (although panic attacks are part of social phobia but can also happen in other situtaions). now I’m going – or try to since it’s pretty hard – talk about me experiences. The reason why this is such a huge topic on my blog right […]

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Panic attacks and social phobia

Today I’m going to be open with my panic attacks and social phobia. First, for everyone who is not familiar with this topic or who wants to figure out if they are affected by these disorders, I copied a description of both in here that I thought is pretty accurate. I also marked those symptoms […]

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First talk with potential therapist

I had one yesterday and it went well except that I didn’t want to couldn’t talk about my eating disorder. About anorexia. Because I’m SOSOSOSOSOSOSOS scared of hearing something that hurts me, and let me tell you, this would hurt me so much: BUT YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A DISORDER. ARE YOU BULIMIC? […]

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About my latest relapse and other things

It’s 4am, I slept for 3 hours and now I can’t go back to sleep. Curing alcohol with alcohol, although I don’t get hangovers I have a headache from the combo of alcohol+little sleep. I know this is bad. I know it is. So why do I do this to myself? I honestly don’t know. […]

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Panikattacken…

Diese verdammte Angst. Ich weiß nicht, warum sie seit zwei Wochen soso schlimm ist!? I have this constant feeling that people are going to make fun of me, talk about me and laugh at me. That my whole body starts shaking out of the blue doesn’t make it any better. Today I tried some ‘ […]

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Tuesday 14th, 05:55am

Picture: http://vinepair.com/wine-blog/the-6-best-white-wines-for-red-wine-lovers/ Two glasses of wine. Very likely more during the next few hours if I don’t fall asleep. To my embarrassment boxed wine since I can’t afford more. I have no cigarettes so I feel like I need to give in to another addiction. I think it was last year in Spring that I became […]

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Something I recently wrote for my book (German)

24.02.2017 Sie ist da. Ich spüre es in meinem ganzen Körper. Sie ist wieder ganz dicht da die Anorexie und verschmilzt mit mir. Wie oft war ich seit 2011 wieder an diesem Punkt und bin dann wieder rausgekommen um schlimmeres zu fühlen und zu ertragen, wo ich dann in Selbsthass versunken bin und mich vor […]

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