Screwed up again


Hi everyone,

so what I’m going to write about today is not big news but maybe to you it is because it’s stuff I’ve been bottling up over the past few days, weeks (I lost track of time)…

Current situation: re-registered as university student, missed even more college classes, scared as hell because of it, been to the school psychologist but that only helped short-term, missed therapy several times (both on purpose and accidentally, overslept an important appointment with the headmistress of my school to settle the mess I’ve got myself into) and it feels like I’ve gained a lot because bf’s been buying me tons of food, stuff that I couldn’t resist, ignoring my mum’s calls because I don’t want to disappoint her, big money troubles, drunk….

Summary: My life sucks I suck

I feel like a trapped wild animal. There’s so much going on inside of me and I can’t get it out. There are people who offer to listen but I don’t know how to talk or how to put things into words, also they wouldn’t understand (I don’t understand half of the things myself).

Just before I tried talking to S (boyfriend) about not wanting to go back to school because too much has happened and continuing university instead. It actually wasn’t so hard to talk first but then it turned out as expected: even more guilt and chaos and confusion.

Also i just texted my mum who’s been calling for the past three days. I so regret it I really shouldn’t have written all that stuff, now she knows for sure that I’m in a bad place again.

I actually wanted to write about so much but my energy and focus are already gone.

Plans for tomorrow: attend university classes, maybe call my school for another appointment with the headmistress (although I’ve already written an email but yeah…boyfriends idea…), get prescriptions for my missing meds, lose weight….have I forgotten anything?

Whatever….bye for now, I hope you’re doing better than I do….

xx

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