Last week of summer holiday


Sorry been too lazy to post. Nothing special happened, i’m still struggling to write the paper and lose weight, obviously a bad combination but not the reason why i just can’t get it done. Fashion school starts in a week and i’m superexited and have been preparing school supplies, for some reason i’ve always loved doing that.

I still have a fucking inflamed achilles tendon and can’t go running because of it. Tried again today but it started hurting like hell and i had to stop. I did a dancing workout instead, had a cold and warm shower after and felt great. That didn’t last long though and i just want to go back to bed. I can think of plenty things to do but nothing really motivates me to do them, it wasn’t easy to write on here either. 

Today i have therapy and a psych appointment (scale alarm!! Since i refuse to go to my ED clinic and see the doctor/nutritionist he weighs me now to keep an eye on my weight. Haven’t had my blood tested or taken an ECG so that’s going to be fun to explain. But i’ll finally get my prescriptions and can get all my meds again as soon as i have money. I haven’t really missed prozac which is surprising because usually I become even more insane but maybe taking at least the other pills helped (even if irregular).

At least i feel better physically after taking the last suppository i had at home which i saved for today, i haven’t had a bowel movement in ages despite eating tons.

Of course i’m not going to look at the scale because i think i’m still pretty heavy and that would just totally crush me. I hope i can keep my discipline up until fashion school starts and maybe if i don’t feel too bad i’ll check my weight.

At least i’ve managed to stay sober for a week now (except for one drink i had at an open-air festival i went to, but that was okay and i didn’t fall back into extremes.

I really just want to go back to bed but i’ll try not to because actually i’m not even motivated to sleep. Everything feels empty…

Finally saw the first part of Maze Runner yesterday and loved it, Kaya is one of my favourite actresses since i saw her on Skins.

Bye for the moment, i hope i’ll come round to posting again soon.

xx 🌸 🌸 🌸 

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