So….Silvester with my boyfriend and my little baby (i mean my cat;)) was depressing nice. We had a lovely dinner (Smoked salmon and sparkly wine) and of course I felt awful after. I don’t have my stomach wonder pills at the moment so after delicious salmon with prawns it turned into acid reflux which always makes me panicky and feel even more bloated and stuffed. It’s a vicious circle,out of panic I drink loads before and during eating and then afterwards. No suprise then….but I just HAVE TO drink something otherwie I don’t feel good. After loads of water, tea or coke zero I don’t feel good either though. As usual I’m a walking paradoxon.
Anyways, after dinner i felt full and bloated and disgusting, it felt like al my clothes didn’t fit anymore I just wanted to rip them off. There’s a reason why I prefer baggy clothes, for once, that people don’t see my real body, second, that even after eating something totally harmless and tiny I won’t feel like a fucking whale (nothing against whales though – they’re cute, only I prefer not to be one) At least I managed to pull the sexy dessous surprise for my boyfriend through, and that was one nice thing I could enjoy.
The nearer the clock moved to 00:00 the more depressed I got. I just can’t feel happy when I have to think that there’s another year I survived and now it’s back to reset and all the boring hurtful stuff starts again. It’s like waking up the next day, I hate it, I’d rather go to sleep and not wake up. Or don’t go to sleep so I don’t get to experience this whole ‘new day’ thing. I don’t know if anyone gets that. I probably could’ve explained it better but I don’t have the energy to.
To conclude, I hate that Christmas time is over now. It was actually the only thing I really enjoyed this month. I’m not capable of getting my ass up to do the things I used to love but I absolutely love decorating and designing so Christmas is a nice full-time job for me. And now it’s over….and I’m confronted with all the other shit again….
I wish you all out there a good start into the new year and all the best for getting through it, I wish that you make lots of lovely experiences and that you have plenty happy moments to remember forever.