Emptiness


I haven’t been blogging because my controlling mind thought i couldn’t go and just blog about anything since i haven’t finished my last post/promised a follow-up on what happenend to me from Spring to now.
Today i decided to not give a damn about it….i’ll continue whenever it suits me.

It’s cold and i feel empty and dead inside. I’m not talking about the temperature outside (which btw is very low) but about my inside. I can literally smell death. I know i haven’t been taking one of my meds for a week and that probably doesn’t help, but that’s not the reason for why i’m so down.
I’m constantly tired despite sleeping, i don’t want to eat, i’m agressive, i’m desperate, i can’t concentrate, i don’t have the energy to finish my paper, i.e. make everyone happy by completing my degree, this world is brutal, i hate humans and their cruelty, i hate my own weakness, i have to control everyone and anything, i definitely won’t eat, i just hate feeling all this pain….so i’m just waiting, waiting for the countdown.

~Born to be dead~

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