Struggling.


I’m trapped in a deep dark hole. I haven’t finished my bachelor degree this semester as planned, I have no energy to start doing something about it or start something new. No clue whatsoever what I want to do, lots of options but no belief in any of them and no motivation to try them out. For years I’ve always known what I wanted, AN and BD totally messed everything up. I feel like a complete loser. I have lots of ideas what I’d like to do, but I can’t get myself to start something. I’m desperate. The only thing I have and that I’m good at s my ED. Losing more and more weight. Maybe I’ll die from it one day. Sometimes it’s the only option that makes sense to me. No suicide (tried that two times already) but organ failure. Sounds totally ungrateful but I’ve been going trough hell in my mind way too long. It’s just another wasted life and I’d rather give it to someone else, make space for someone more capable. But until then I want to fulfil at lest one of the dreams I have. Do one thing I can be proud of. That maybe convinces me to stay alive.

xoxo

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